Jeff Foxworthy on living in Washington

Jeff Foxworthy

Versions of this circulate on social media, credited to comedian Jeff Foxworthy. He might actually have written them.

Note: I drove down Ballinger Way in LFP when there was 4 inches of snow on the ground and the temperatures were in the 20s. I passed a guy walking along the road who was wearing bermuda shorts - and flip-flops. 

Jeff Foxworthy on living in Washington

1. If someone in a Lowes/Home Depot store offers you assistance and they don't work there ...you live in Washington.
2. If you've worn shorts, flip-flops and a warm-jacket at the same time, you live in Washington.
3. If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed the wrong number, you live in Washington.
4. If you measure distance in hours, you live in Washington.
5. If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you live in Washington.
6. If you have switched from 'heat' to 'A/C' and back again in the same day, you live in Washington.
7. If you can drive through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching, you live in Eastern Washington.
8. If you get your kid's Halloween costumes to fit over 2 layers of clothes or under a raincoat, you live in Washington.
9. If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with leaves, mud or ice, you live in Washington.
10. If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, and road construction, you live in Washington.
11. If you feel guilty throwing bottles, cans or paper in the trash, you live in Washington.
12. If you know more than 10 ways to order coffee, you live in Washington.
13. If you know more people who own boats than have air conditioning, you live in Washington.
14. If you stand on a deserted corner in the rain waiting for the "Walk" signal, you live in Washington.
15. If you consider that if it has no snow on it (or has not recently erupted), that it is not a ‘real’ mountain, then you live in Washington.
16. If you can taste the difference between Starbucks, Seattle's Best, and Tullys, you live in Washington.
17. If you know the difference between Chinook, Coho and Sockeye salmon, you live in Washington.
18. If you know how to pronounce Sequim, Puyallup, Issaquah, Snoqualamie, Wenatchee , Spokane , Umpqua, Yakima and Willamette, you live in Washington.
19. If you consider swimming an indoor sport, you live in Washington.
20. If you can tell the difference between Japanese, Chinese, Korean, Vietnamese and Thai food, you live in Washington.
21. If you never go camping without a tarp and waterproof matches on you, you live in Washington.
22. If you have actually used your mountain bike on a mountain, you live in Washington.
23. If you think people who use umbrellas are either wimps or tourists, you definitely live in Washington.
24. If you buy new sunglasses every single year because you cannot find the old ones after such a long time, then you live in Washington.
25. If you actually understand these jokes ...and forward them to all your Washington friends, you live or have lived in Washington