You know you’re a Seattle parent when...

Froggy Holler Preschool photo courtesy
City of Shoreline

30 traits Seattle-area parents can relate to...

By Tiffany Pitts
Republished from ParentMap.com

We're here, we're raising kids in this soggy corner of the country, we've got a death grip on our Yeti mugs... there is so much that unites us! 

Here are a few more things you can probably relate to:

• You’ve gotten lost in the school parking lot on more than one occasion because you can’t tell which Subaru Outback is yours.
• You’ve seriously thought about purchasing a kayak because the kids would love it.
• You have not purchased a kayak because you have no place to store it.
• You dream about living in a place that has kayak storage. You can’t, of course. At least not until the kids graduate because you’re pretty sure you’d never be able to afford something in the same area. But a dream is always nice.
• You have had at least three passionate conversations about the merits of personal rain shelters.
• You leave outside holiday decorations up until February. You tell everyone it’s because the kids love being festive but in actuality, it’s so you can see your way to the garbage can.
• Every time you see an eagle you say, “Look, an eagle!” One random man on the sidewalk looks. Your children are too busy arguing to care.
• You buy your children umbrellas. They come home from school with soaking wet hair though they swear they’ve been using them. Two weeks later you discover they’ve been using them to have fake sword fights. You take away the umbrellas. (As you do so, you realize that this is probably the reason why so many people in Seattle never use umbrellas. They never properly learned how.)
• You’re an expert in Halloween costumes that involve parkas and hats.
• You’ve had to search the internet for ‘slug slime removal’.
• You’ve had to search the internet for ‘nettle sting remedy’.
• You’ve accidentally found yourself in the middle of an argument about home remedies for nettle stings. There are an unnerving number of opinions.
• You know that “but first … coffee” isn’t a silly saying. It’s literally an instruction.
• You don’t want to go upstairs on the ferry. You are compelled to make your family do it anyway. Why do you do this? No one will ever know.
• You buy the brightest colored winter jackets you can so that you might actually see your kids when they step outside.
• Your children are terrified of black ice even though they don’t know what it is. They think it’s some sort of boogeyman for adults that drive. They’re not wrong.
• Daylight Savings time causes untold havoc on your sleep schedule.
• Your children hold deeply informed opinions about coffee, Amazon and public transit.
• You frequent the lost and found at your kids’ school because North Face jackets aren’t cheap and you are not going to lose another one.
• You know that “Do the kids really need new snow pants this year?” is a fool’s argument. You buy snow pants as soon as you see them in at Costco. If there are gloves, you buy those too.
• You’ve had to convince your children that it really is time to wake up, even though the sky is still dark.
• You’ve had to convince your children that it really is bedtime, even though the sun is still shining.
• There are no less than twenty-five excellent walking trails within a reasonable distance from your home, all of which your children refuse to walk because it’s ‘too outside.’
• You’ve had to break out the box fan on the first warm day of spring because it’s 71 degrees outside and your children are melting.
• You’ve had to break out the cocoa on the first cool day of autumn because it’s 42 degrees and your children are frozen solid.
• You know that ‘blackberry’ could be a fruit or technology, but is more likely in reference to a situation requiring bandages.
• You know that beaches require shoes, a jacket, extra pairs of dry socks, sunscreen, three towels and a last-minute stop at the store for new sunglasses because no one can find theirs.
• You have a family goose encounter protocol. You’re also working on a coyote encounter protocol but you want to do a little more research first.
• Your children know what good ramen tastes like and they know it doesn’t come in a plastic package.
• You have rain contingency plans for everything. Birthday parties, play dates, movies … everything.

Tiffany Pitts

Tiffany Pitts grew up in the PNW on a diet of cartoons, candy and instant noodles. 

Her latest novel, Wizzy Wig, won the 2016 Cygnus award for Best Speculative Fiction. 

You can find her online at tiffanypitts.com, on Facebook or on Twitter.