WARM: An adoptee's search for family

WARM - Washington Adoption Reunion Movement - is a non-profit organization, formed in 1976, serving the needs of adult adoptees and their birth families. One of the leaders of WARM is a Shoreline resident, who provided us with this story from an adoptee.

My Journey

By Bill Shawver

I was born in 1956, in Seattle. My journey began in the Seattle Children's Home. I met my adoptive parents at the age of 6 weeks and was soon on my way to a home I would live in until I graduated from high school in 1975. 

From my earliest recollection I was told I was adopted and my biological mother made a significant sacrifice by placing me up for adoption by hoping for a better life than she could have given me at that time in her young life. That’s was all I would know about my biological mother for 57 years.

My childhood was wonderful and full of love. My adoptive mother was a homemaker and my adoptive father was a principal at the elementary and junior high school in Finley, Washington. Within two years of my adoption, my parents adopted my sister from a children's home in Tacoma. Our parents were in their mid to late 30s when we were adopted and they were not able to have their own biological children.

I couldn't have been loved more or had a better childhood. We were immediately accepted by all of our relatives and friends of my parents. Thoughts of where I came from didn't enter my mind until I was in my teenage years. I kept them to myself but on occasion silently wondered where I came from and if I had family somewhere else. 

From school sports physicals to paperwork required when I joined the United States Air Force in 1975, questions were always posed about health history and family history. I always answered I didn't know because I was adopted.

As the years passed and I married and had children of my own, gentle probing questions from my wife Marde and our three wonderful children continued to resonate with my private thoughts. Someday I should explore my background, if nothing else than to answer medical questions and fill an ever growing void from within. These thoughts continued over the years and I found myself privately wondering where I came from and I owed my children - now with kids of their own - answers to medical history questions.

Several years ago my son Kevin, who is married and lives in Seattle, told me about WARM and the great work the organization has done for adoptees. I was intrigued, yet privately apprehensive about finding out the answers to questions I had silently wondered. A few years passed before I acted. My sister told me about a legislative change to the law in Washington that would allow adopted children with sealed records to access their original, uncertified birth certificate. That was the all I needed to begin the journey that would answer so many questions.

My adoptive parents had both passed and I no longer worried I was somehow disappointing them by my search. 

I filed the required paperwork with Washington State in early July of 2014, and anxiously awaited the returned birth certificate. As each day passed I checked the mail. I was disappointed when the information hadn’t arrived, yet relieved. As each day passed I became more introspective and wondered about the possibilities of being rejected or accepted. "How would life change?" occupied my daily thoughts. 

Marde called me at work in early September to tell me what appeared to be the birth certificate had arrived. The day I had silently hoped for and dreaded was finally here. I asked her to open the letter and read the information to me. Ada Pauline Seay from Franklin, NC, is the name that answered so many lifelong questions. An anxious peace filled every inch of my being. Now the search and my relationship with WARM was about to begin.

I immediately completed the paperwork required by WARM and started a dialogue with Pam Q. Her calm, reassuring voice settled 57 years of anxious thought and recentered my search. My family was thrilled we had a name to go with a lifetime of questions. As Pam began the search I quickly started spending many late nights and early mornings searching the internet for clues.

Very early in the morning of September 11th, I found an obituary of a gentlemen who passed in Arden, NC, that mentioned his surviving spouse, Peggy “Ada” Green, and family with Seay as their last name. My heart began to race. Something told me I’m getting very close to the answer. Could this be her? As the day wore on I continued my research and made a call to WARM. What should I do? I now had an address and phone number and was flooded with emotions. I’d previously told myself I wouldn't want to disrupt her life and cause emotional distress. 

After much thought I made a call to the number listed and left a message on the answering machine. I stated I was researching my family history and left my birth date and place of birth with nothing more than if you'd like to talk feel free to call me back. 

Within 60 minutes the phone rang. The voice was sweet and a wonderful woman with a beautiful southern accent began the conversation that ended 57 years of questions. She calmly stated she didn't know where to start and would I mind starting the conversation. I asked her if the time was inconvenient or if she felt comfortable with me giving her some background. She calmly stated the time was perfect. As I recapped my history which led up to receiving the birth certificate she asked me to read the name on the certificate. I said my mother’s name is Ada Pauline Seay (Say) from Franklin, NC. She politely stated no…that’s not what it says. She stated it says Ada Pauline Seay (Sea) and son, I'm your mother, and I’ve waited for this call for 57 years.

Son, I'm your mother, and I’ve waited for this call for 57 years.

57 years of tears flowed for both of us and the conversation went on for well over an hour. I told her I didn't want to upset her life and that I noticed in her late husband’s obituary the mention of surviving children. She quickly stated they were her step children and I was her only biological child. 

Since September 11th, we talk daily on the phone and we're back from our 2nd trip to visit her and our new family in NC. Life has changed forever for all of us and I can't begin to thank WARM enough for the encouragement and assistance in answering a lifetime of questions and giving us our family.