On the Mayor's Mind - November 16, 2014

On the Mayor’s Mind

By Shari Winstead, Shoreline Mayor

November 16, 2014

So much on my mind. City business, in one form or another, generally is always on my mind. But the last week or so, it’s been in a different manner. It’s unfortunate that city business sometimes means hearing about accidents or tragic events.

But I had no idea, when I read emails about the pedestrian killed on November 5, at 205th and Fremont, that it was, for all intent and purposes, a family member, my stepdaughter’s boyfriend of almost three years.

Someone who was part of many family dinners, holidays, birthdays, and even our wedding. A wonderful young man, who was respectful, interested in everyone, and fun to have at our gatherings. He took the teasing of our family like a champ – and even gave a little bit of it back. We always looked forward to seeing his big smile and hearing his infectious laugh. We loved having him around, and will miss having Jake at our table, in our home.

I’ve been fortunate in my life; I have not had to deal with a horrible, too-soon death like this one. It is so unbelievable to lose someone so young, and so full of life. Just weeks before, we lost another friend to cancer. And as I sat at his memorial, I couldn’t help but reflect on the sadness of losing anyone – our friend was 20 years older than me. But losing Jake, 30 years younger than me, feels entirely different.

The grieving of the loss of a person who has experienced a full life, been married, had children and a long career is so different from the loss of someone who had just begun to live his life, so much ahead of him.

In the past 10 days, the tears, the non-stop conversations with family and friends, the grieving process in and of itself, has been life changing. For all of us, and I know, for many of you, too. 

Jake was loved by many, many people. His presence in their lives will never be forgotten, and he will be so missed by all of us. In the last week I have read so many poems, quotes, wise sayings, and Bible verses. All of them written by someone who has suffered a loss, in an attempt to help others that are grieving. And while the words help, they are really just a band-aid. Because as soon as you start to feel better, a memory crosses your mind, and you are right in the middle of that soul-gripping grief, again.

The grieving will continue, we cannot put a time limit on it. It’s so important to feel your emotions, to allow yourself to go through the process. One thing I have learned in my life is that time is the greatest healer. At some point, moving ahead, going back to your routine, is the best thing you can do. It doesn’t mean you don’t care, or that you aren’t still wracked with pain. It just means that you choose to live.

So what is really on my mind is this. Don’t assume that you will have tomorrow. Embrace, enjoy, forgive, love one another. Grudges, anger, even sadness – we must choose to not let them dominate our minds, or our days.

As I write this, I’m watching the neighbors - an adorable young girl learning to ride her 2-wheel bike down the street, with her Dad pushing her, running beside her.

My mind is also preoccupied with my grandson – due to be born in just three weeks. It is possible to grieve, and still feel joy, appreciate a crisp, sunny day. And know that the person you loved, who is gone now, is smiling on you, happy that you are making the right choice, to live your life in a beautiful, appreciative way.

May peace be with all of you.